Bonus Scene – Saved

Ellie

There are many things I like about the raskarran village. Having a roof over our heads, for one. Sleeping on a bed, not on a cave floor. Not having to use a tree as my personal bathroom. Being able to relax and not feel like I’m being hunted all the time.

But my favourite thing has to be the bathing pools.

It’s the first thing we do, the morning after arriving back at the village. We wake late, all of us except for Liv, who’s been busy finding us fresh clothes to wear. It takes us a little time to find a complete outfit each, then we leave the rest of the clothes for later, Gregar leading us all through the trees out to a spot where rocks start sprouting up instead of plants. It reminds me of the caves where Anghar and I stayed as he recuperated. But instead of being by a river, they’re by what Liv refers to as a geothermal hot spring.

“What’s a one of those?” Hannah asks.

“It’s a spring, a pool of water,” Liv says, “but heated by the rocks under the ground.”

“Rocks under the ground are hot?” Sam says, canting her head to the side.

Liv shrugs. “Something to do with volcanoes. God, I hope there isn’t one of those nearby.”

She turns to Gregar, placing the tips of her fingers together, her arms forming a triangle shape that I guess is meant to be a mountain. Then she balls both hands into fists, flicking her fingers outwards. An explosion? There are mountains that explode? Liv talks a lot about being grateful her sister taught her to read as a kid, but there are some things I’m starting to think it’s better not knowing about.

Gregar clearly has no idea what she’s trying to say. Liv pats him on the arm and tells him she’ll talk to him later, then turns her attention back to the spring. She drops down, dipping her fingers in the water. I see the look of pleasure on her face, her eyes fluttering shut.

“Oh, this is going to be so much better than a cold waterfall,” she says, standing back up again. She turns to Gregar, and in a few gestures, communicates to him that she wants him to leave. Gregar nods, touching a hand to her face briefly, before walking back into the trees. I know he won’t be gone far – there’s no chance at all that he would let his precious tribe sisters bathe unprotected. In fact, I’d put money on there being at least one of the hunters or warriors up in the trees somewhere, watching from a distance. But it gives us the semblance of privacy, and as soon as he’s gone the girls start peeling off their filthy clothes and getting into the pool.

My clothes are not as gross, as I’ve only been wearing them a few days, but they’re starting to get there. I fold them carefully, wondering how laundry is done in the raskarran camp. Another thing I’ll have to learn. Back home, you put your dirty clothes in a chute and fresh ones were delivered once a week. Always the same outfit – a colour-coded jumpsuit similar to the ones everyone apart from me and Liv are still wearing. 

Stripped down to my underwear, I lower myself into the surprisingly hot water. It feels delicious against my skin, soothing out the aches and pains of travelling, washing away the grimy feeling. I sink beneath the surface, rubbing my fingers through my hair, teasing out the worst of the dirt.

When I emerge, it’s to the sound of the others sighing and gasping and generally enjoying the water. Molly launches herself right into the middle of the pool, sinking down until the water’s all the way up to her grinning mouth. Khadija dips her head down, lowering her matted locks into the water and beginning to tease her fingers through them. Lorna hovers at the edge, reluctant to dunk her injured arm, but Sam comes up beside her, holding out a bowl of the soapy root, offering to help with her hair if she needs it.

Soon we’re all scrubbing at ourselves, using the soapy root to clean off the days and days of travelling grime. I’m amazed the water around us doesn’t turn brown with dirt, the state we are all in. Rachel’s vibrant red hair has dulled to almost brown, Lorna’s whole body is filthy from her days of sickness and everyone is muddy, grimy and has sand places they never want to get sand ever again. Even me and Liv, who had a chance to get clean between crashing and now, are grubby.

As we all start rinsing off the last of the suds from our bodies, a quiet descends over us. It’s deeper than just relaxation, satisfaction at being clean. It’s relief. I can tell by the way Grace closes her eyes and leans her head back against the rocks at the edge of the bathing pool – her shoulders releasing the tension they’ve held for days. It’s in the way Mattie no longer darts her gaze everywhere, as if waiting for something to come and grab her. It’s in the way Molly blinks back tears, sinking low into the water in the hope that no one notices.

I know how they all feel, because it’s how I felt after getting cleaned up in the river, after Anghar found me fresh clothes. They feel human again. No, more than just that. They feel better than human. Because our bottom tier human lives weren’t up to much. We could get clean, but it only rinsed off the dirt, not the exhaustion and hopelessness.

Hope. That’s what it is. For the first time – probably in their entire lives – they feel true hope.

We each get dressed in our new outfits, then head back to the village. I don’t think I’m alone in feeling a little daunted about what I’m going to do with myself now. The raskarrans are all busy. Anghar left very early to go hunting with Jaskry and Rardek – they need to have more supplies because of the increased size of the tribe. I’d feel bad about how hard they’re going to have to work for the next few days, but the whole tribe seems delighted to have us as their problem. 

The morning is spent sorting clothes. I take my collection back to Anghar’s hut and try to figure out a way to store my things alongside his without taking over. Rather than a chest of drawers, he has boxes that stack up. Some contain clothes, others contain objects. Tools, at a guess. I leave those be, and turn my attention to the ones containing clothing. Fortunately for me, he doesn’t store his things very neatly, so by simple merit of folding everything up, I get all of his things into half of the containers, leaving the rest free for me. I don’t have nearly enough stuff to fill them, but that will come in time.

I stack the containers back up, leaving the ones with the most important items of clothing on the top, easy to access. Then for the rest of the day, I familiarise myself with everything else in the hut. It’s a small, cozy little place. The bedroom takes up most of the space, but there is a separate living area with a fire-pit at the centre. A kitchen-dining room, I suppose. I suspect the raskarrans mostly eat communally as they did last night, but now there are more of us, perhaps we’ll start to separate off a little more often. I’ll have to learn how to cook. Just another thing I’m sure Anghar will enjoy teaching me.

I find a cloth and a bucket and fetch myself some water, spending the afternoon cleaning up the dust that has settled after the many days Anghar has spent away from this place. I always hated cleaning the slaughterhouse equipment, but there’s a simple pleasure to cleaning here. In fact, it’s more than just pleasure. It’s a kind of joy.

Because it’s ours. Mine and Anghar’s. I didn’t cut the wooden beams that make up the walls and the floor. I didn’t tie together the leaves, thread through the vines that make the roof. I shouldn’t feel any sense of ownership, but I do. This place belongs to me, and just like the hot spring made everyone feel more than they ever have before, having something that belongs to me is everything.

I trace my fingers over the woodgrain, resting my forehead against the wall as I blink tears out of my eyes. I’ve never belonged anywhere, never owned anything. The knowledge that all that has changed so utterly makes my heart swell in my chest until it feels like it might burst out of my ribcage.

The door opens and I look up into Anghar’s eyes, smiling as I watch bemusement and concern play out on his expressive face.

“It’s okay,” I say, rising to greet him. “I’m okay. Just happy.”

I wrap my arms around him, and his go around me, drawing me close to him as he emits a soothing rumble from his chest. I sigh, burrowing my head against his chest, catching a whiff of blood and sweat as I breathe in.

“You stink,” I say, drawing back from him, pinching my nose and pulling a face.

Anghar dips his head, his apology obvious in his eyes. I just hug him again, pressing my lips to his so he knows I’m not actually upset. It’s a smell I’m used to – familiar, but without the tang of polluted air that would have really made it call to mind my old home. I like it far better on him. On him, it means the tribe will be well fed, that there will be supplied to make new clothes and bone tools. Nothing will be wasted. Nothing will go to anyone who already has more than they could ever need.

I draw back from Anghar again. Point in the direction of the baths and mime washing. A flash of heat comes into his eyes, and he grins at me. A wicked, wicked grin. He turns to the containers with his clothes in and pauses when he sees what I’ve done. He runs his fingers over the folded garments, first his, then mine. Then he turns to me with delight in his expression.

“Ellie home,” he says.

“Yes,” I say, blinking more tears from my eyes. “Ellie home.”